


How I discovered to not write after surgeries

by candescence



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Multi, This is such trash, dancing steve, i dont even know how to tag it, i guess, please don't read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 06:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1090578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candescence/pseuds/candescence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You guys, I don't even know what this is.  I wrote this after having my wisdom teeth removed and then found it again after a little too much liquid confidence and then found it again after eye surgery. It's short and makes no sense whatsoever. It's honestly trash, but I'm posting it to remind myself that I'm a much better writer sober.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How I discovered to not write after surgeries

Tony stark waltzed into the kitchen on pointed heels. Yellow pointed heels, with crimson tights and a black and gold corset.

Steve looked up from his bacon and sneezed

Natasha repelled down from the ceiling, "SHUT UP FAT ASSHOLES" she shouted loudly

Clint walked into the kitchen with cello and began playing the Blue Danube waltz.

Steve grabbed Tony's hands and spun him around the dance floor, gently caressing Tony's ass.

Thor flew in and tossed charmander on the floor "I like this creature!"

Loki appeared and turned into a horse, stomping on Bruce.

"I am the riddlesmaster! LOKI RIDDLESTON" Loki shouted

Bruce hulked out

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Loki twisted his mustache, "LOKI'D"

Loki poofed away

Tony and Steve were humping in the corner

Natasha and Clint did the tango

Loki made everyone chicken pot roast and carrots.

An attorney emailed them and sued them for watching Star Wars.

"That hardly seems fair" Steve said quietly

"All we did was watch it" Tony reasoned

"We'll sic pepper on them" Natasha said from somewhere scary

\-------

PEPPER IS A BADASS WHEN IT COMES TO STUFF AND THINGS.

"Peppppppeeeerrrr" Tony whined while knocking on her door

"I'm taking a dump, Tony, what do you want?" Pepper shouted from the bowels (hehe) of the house

"Quit going poo, pepper, I neeeeeeeed you to solve a mystery for me!" Tony whined again

Pepper opened the door and licked Tony's nose, "fine. Let's go"

They climbed into the mystery machine and set off on a journey through time and space.

When they got to the pantheon in 78 BC, pepper climbed out, took off her heels, and marched right up to the nearest soldier. "I demand a shrubbery!" She shouted

"But ma'am! This is Ancient Greece! We don’t have shrubbery! How convenient is it that we both speak English?" The soldier shouted back, then he began crying.

Steve appeared and tapped on Tony's patella, "yep, all good here"

Pepper scissor kicked the guard, "GET ME spaghetti" she turned her face to the sky and screeched like a demon bird.

\-----

"Blap blap" Tony said into Steve's armpit

"Mmmm, Tony, touch me on the armpit hair" Steve moaned suggestively

"Oh god baby" Tony panted loudly, "your candy canes are so fresh"

"TNT, I'm dynamite, TNT" Steve sang loudly and off key,

"Shhh" Tony said while stuffing a burrito in Steve's burrito hole, "be silent, my child"

Steve fell into the sun and jizzed in his pants

\-------

Clint ate an entire pack of Oreos which he then threw up and fed to a cat

"I love cats!" Clint cried to the throne

Colson showed up and gave Thor a butt plug.

Thor loved his butt plug.

Thor said, "I totally stick my hammer in my ass all the time! This shall suffice, human!" He cried in his best Asgardian footy pajamas.

My cat, Adeline, appeared and napped in Natasha's shoe closet.

Tony gritted his teeth and ate an entire carton of ice cream.

"I was going to do that later!" Steve screeched at the top of his lungs. Steve stomped out of the room.

Pepper appeared in the mystery machine, "they didn't bring me a god damned shrubbery! So I invented quantum tunneling."

Bruce crashed through the roof, "YOU DIDNT NOT INVENT quantum TUNNELING U DUM TIT"

The tit mouse flew away, as Bruce had hurt it's little birdy feelings

Pepper pulled out a curling iron and burned Tony's spine.

Steve reappeared wearing a pink skirt and his legs were waxed. "I'm a goofy goober yeah. You're a goofy goober yeah. We're all goofy goofy goobers!" A banana split fell on Steve's face

"Go to sleep" Tony whispered, "and we when wake up. I hit that again. Promise"

R Kelly sued them for having sexual intercourse.

\-------

"Three lawsuits this month!" Fury slammed the most recent lawsuit against the shower door

Tony, Natasha, Steve, and Thor all glanced up from braiding each other's hair under the hot water

"Huh?" Tony said intelligently

 

"Lance bass is suing you for making him gay!" Nick roared like a dragon

"Aaawwwww, shit, he found out about that??" Natasha said in a slightly Jamaican accent

"I have all these alpacas and nobody to share them with!" Clint cried sorrowfully

 

"I would love to share alpacas with you, Clint" Bruce sidled up in full football gear, pads and all.

"Really?"

"Really"

"Really?"

"Really"

"Really really?"

"Really really really. I like you"

Clint blushed, "do you like like me?"

Bruce nodded, "yee I like like you. A lot"

 

Clint licked a stripe up Bruce's neck "I'm gonna sex you up," Brucie"

They both stripped Bruce Almighty style. Then they set to rubbing their private parts together. Through this friction combined with chemical reactions, a reaction known scientifically as an orgasm occurred. 

Steve and Tony stood awkwardly by while Natasha pretended to file her toenails.

Once Clint and Bruce were cleaned up, Thor pulled the memory from his brain like in Harry potter and sold it on the internet for a goodly sum of money. Lots of crabs. Got the good good. I have the herpely derpely.

What?  
Hahaha shit.

Clint and Bruce dressed like dames for the rest of the day.

The day went down in history as the most scariest sex tape of all time.

Everyone trades left eyeballs with someone to commentate

Damn man, I need to scratch my testicles I am a female. I can't scratch my testicles. Gender stereotyping. 

I can't put my picture here, but I a sure your am a female. Of age. With such features as a nose, a full set of teeth, and no testicles. But on the biggest and brightest of reasons to pick me as your new bride is because I speak moose! Yes! A native born moose speaker! Be prepared to be awestruck as all tell those bitch ass mooses to frickty frok off.

Or if you like the taste of moose, I know I do, you can have me murder the moose in cold blood as I sing Norwegian folk tunes in beluga whale!

 

YOU HEARD IT HERE FOLKS. A BELUGA WHALE SPEAKER TOO. FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT I WILL SPEAK BELIGA WHALE.

now back to your local news.

"Well that was strange. We take you now to our very own in house Magician with the weather"

"Thank you, puny human," the mathematician stroked his protractor.

She spread her binder rings and he slipped his homework inside her with no difficulty. She had handled bigger assignments before.

The gosh diddly darn cat is playing with my norn stones.

"Can we please stop writing about algebra and geometry tools that are magic news casters starring in a porno" Tony barked like a seal

Steve was standing at parade rest.

Clint came over a loud speaker: "STEVE! DO A BARREL ROLL!"

Steve preformed a perfect barrel roll, just like fox or google.

Man this is shit. What a weird day.

What?

 

“Please don’t hold this over me,” Clint begged, “ I may never survive you holding this over me”  
Clint held an umbrella away from his body, “DON’T HOLD IT OVER ME!!!!!!!!!” he screeched  
Bruce snickered  
“It’s not funny, Brucie, you know my crippling fear of umbrellas.” Clint whined while building a tree.  
Bruce immediately made Clint stop building a tree, “Clinton! ‘I demand you to cease this tree building this instant!  
Clint continued to build dream trees because of Bruce’s resistance  
VIVA LA RESISTANCE!!!!  
ONWARD!  
CONQURE FRANCE!!!!!!!!  
AAAAARRRIBAAAA  
…….yesp.  
Tony and Steve lured Spiderman from the dense foliage with ramen noodles. Beef ramen noodles.

“For the love of space, Tony, Spiderman may not like ramen noodles of these sort!” Steve cried in exasperation  
“Well how am I supposed to know what Spiderman’s favorite flavour of ramen noodles is?!” Tony shouted in anguish  
“Try and make him some of every type of ramen noodles” Steve suggested with a smile 

BEEDOOODOOODOODODO BEEDODOODODOD  
Tony and Steve returned to the spidermans nest and set a type of ramen noodles in front of it.  
Spiderman crawled out and grabbed the bowl of creamy chicken ramen and the oriental ramen noodles.  
“Powdered dounuts make me go nuts!” Spiderman shouted  
Spiderman then crawled back into the woods.  
But it was all for naught, as Steve and Tony haD POISONED THE RAMEN NOODLES

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN

An elephant parade started in their kitchen and the avengers were all happy.

 

"BURN HER" SHOUTED THE MOB OF AVENGERS

WE HAVE A BITCH!' A BITCH!!

YEAH. A BITCHn BURN HER!!

"SHE WAS OVERLY CONTROLLING IN A RELATIONSHIP AND TOLD ME WHO I COULD AND COULDNT SPEAK TO!"

WELL OF COURSE YOU BITCH

BUUUUURN THEM

"I DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS THE SALEM BITCH TRIALS"

Bruce returns with burn cream.

 

The tub. The tub is running

Steve ice skates up, "I don't know why to do."

Tony nodded solemnly, "I know huh?"

 

"The tub. The tub is ringing. There's an animal In trouble. There's an animal in trouble. Some wherrreeee" Bruce opera'd from above.

"Sooomewhere ooovvveeerrr the raaaainboew!" Thor melodies in

 

"GOOD TA GO!" Steve stripped on the counter and it was awesome. Tony threw all of his money. Hell yeah.

Buy prism on iTunes

Stony. Forever.

This dumb bitch turned the heat off.

The end

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry


End file.
